Posted in Life

My 2019 Simple Bullet Journal Setup

Have any of you ever been here? You see a thousand gorgeous bullet journal spreads on Pinterest, get all inspired, and then completely fail?

This is me. I love the idea of bullet journals–the aesthetic, the organization, the doodling, all of it. But it’s hard to make it work in practice, especially as a student. I just don’t have time in the day to give every week a beautiful spread or keep up on twelve different habit trackers. What I really needed from a bullet journal was space to keep track of all my assignments that was easy and organized, but still looked nice and aesthetic of course 🙂

It’s taken me a good while to figure out a balance, but I finally have a regular set of spreads that work for my college life, letting me be organized and simple while still having some visual fun.

So without further ado, here is the beginning of my 2019 bullet journal! (DISCLAIMER: Some pages have areas that are blurred out or covered in white boxes; this was done to protect personal information such as my daily schedule, location, etc.)

This year I’m using this dotted notebook, which is a little bigger than the standard and super affordable. On the inside cover I drew out a spacing cheat sheet, showing how to divide the page evenly into thirds, fourths, etc (full credit for this idea goes to AmandaRachLee). This is a big time saver and saves you from constantly counting boxes and doing math. The facing page is a brain dump that I’ve started filling with ideas for future spreads.
This is my version of a future log. I like having both a traditional calendar and a drop down calendar because it lets me see how the days of the week line up and also have space to write out events (so far I’ve only added federal holidays and birthdays). I decorated each month with a printed picture that seemed to go with the overall vibe of that month. As far as themes go, mine is kind of vague, but throughout all my spreads I used a general theme of neutral gray, nature photos, and simple layouts. I didn’t want to feel tied to a theme that I might not like down the road, but I did want my spreads to be vaguely cohesive. I love the look of these pages and I love my vague theme 🙂
This is the last four months of my future log. On the right page I have a running list of quotes I like and want to use in future spreads. I’ve never done this before, but I think it would be fun to incorporate more quotes on my monthly spreads as little emotional boosts.
This is my resolutions/goals spread, and is probably my favorite. I drew out a big quote that I want to make my theme for the year and added a lovely forest scene. On the left page I have spaces for goals in my four major life categories I want to improve this year. These are my year-long goals, and each month I make smaller goals building up to them (HIGHLY recommend this system, you can read more about it here). On the right side I wrote out my vision for the year and how I want my goals to work for me, and left space to brainstorm smaller goals.
This is my class schedule for the semester, decorated with a sky picture and sky-like colors to give it a really open and not stressed feel (or at least that’s the goal). On the left I drew out my schedule color-coded in a grid because I like being able to visually see how much time I have each day. On the right is the key, and I also left space to write out professors’ emails and office hours. Last semester I found I often forgot these and wasted time trying to find them in various syllabuses and websites, so I think it’ll be nice to have them all in one place.
That’s it for the year spreads! This is my monthly spread for January. I reused the image from my future log and decorated the spread to go along with it using colored pencils and washi tape. On the left side is a simple habit tracker and a quote, and on the right I have spaces for a calendar, events, and goals in each of my four categories. I plan to do all my monthly spreads in a similar fashion, reusing those future log images.
Straight into the weekly spreads! This is one of my ideas for a typical simple weekly spread: a strip along the side to decorate, a space for each day divided into a schedule and a to do list, and space at the bottom for weekly goals, a running generic to do list, and anything else I want to add for a given week. This week I filled my “decoration strip” with leaf doodles.
This is my other idea for a weekly spread; it’s essentially the same thing but oriented vertically. I plan to use both of these spreads and see what I prefer. I filled the strip at the top with a really simple colored pencil ombre. You could also fill it with washi tape, more doodles, stripes, a banner photograph, or anything else you want.

And that’s it! I’m happy with how this turned out and had a ton of fun making it. Here’s to a more organized and productive 2019!

For more tips on bullet journalling as a student, click here.

Advertisements
Posted in education, Life

Bullet Journalling tips for Students

A lot of bullet journal inspiration online just doesn’t really work for students. I mean, let’s be honest; we’re busy, and we don’t have the time or the mental space to be carrying around seven coordinated markers, updating a bunch of daily trackers, or devote a few hours a month to drawing out gorgeous spreads with a seasonal theme. Even some posts I’ve seen that claim to be for students just seem ridiculously time consuming. Like, nah. I have lab reports to write!

Fortunately, the best part about the bullet journal system is that it’s completely adaptable.

Here are my top five tips for realistically bullet journalling as a student.

I used my old bullet journal and my new 2019 journal as examples. (DISCLAIMER: Some pages have areas that are blurred out or covered in white boxes; this was done to protect personal information such as my daily schedule, location, etc.)

For each day, have a separate space for your schedule and your to do list. I’ve found it super helpful to split every day into two, one for my class/work schedule and one for assignments/tasks. Having your schedule blocked out each day is great because you can visually see how much time you will have, and be sure to never forget a class or accidentally go to class when it has been cancelled. Writing out your to do list separately also gives you a visual reference of how busy you are, and prevents assignments from getting lost in the shuffle.

This is an example of one of my busier weeks from last semester (busy enough that I didn’t take the time to decorate). Each day has the schedule on the left and the assignment list on the right. It was really nice to have the list and the schedule clearly separated, especially since I didn’t add color to the schedule like I did on less busy weeks (see below). If they weren’t separated it would look much messier, things would blur together, and I’d be much more likely to forget something.

Have a simple method to track assignments, such as this one. I write down every assignment on the day that it’s due, and write in regular reminders about big projects. There are several homework tracking methods out there, but I like this one for several reasons. It’s not complicated and it’s not on a separate page; it’s right there with your regular to do list that you look at all the time. You don’t have to refer to separate syllabuses or websites for each class, and you don’t have to worry about forgetting a small assignment or missing a due date. For big projects I write them on the due date, and write in a task such as “work on XXX project” on several days throughout the semester leading up to the project.

Image result for exceed notebook dotted
These are cheap but still good quality, and come in a few sizes and colors.

Cheapness is WAY more important than aesthetic. Especially after a long session on Pinterest or Instagram, it can be tempting to buy the best journal and markers out there and make every page a work of art. There’s nothing wrong with that, but let’s be real, we’re college students with limited funds. All your journal needs to do is work, and all you really need is a notebook and a pen or pencil. I found dotted notebooks at my local Walmart and they’re honestly really good. I use a cheap gel pen and gray washable marker that also came from Walmart, and some colored pencils I got as a birthday present years ago, and that’s it. You don’t need much.

Keep it simple and consistent. The whole goal of bullet journalling is to decrease your stress level, not increase it. I figured out a simple weekly layout that works for me, and I do it the exact same way every week. This was so helpful for me because I didn’t waste any time staring at a blank page trying to come up with a beautiful layout while my brain was buzzing with ten other things. If you find yourself stressed out trying to make everything beautiful or getting so caught up in designing spreads that you put off your homework, stop. Find something simple, and add crazy embellishments only if you have time and it makes you happy. As a bonus, simple spreads are more relaxing. My favorite spreads are those that have a lot of open space, light colors, and simple layouts. With all the business of college, it’s nice to have your journal be a clean space that makes it easier to breathe.

This is a good example of my basic layout, adapted to fit a certain week from last semester. Each day has a space for my schedule and a space for my assignments. On the bottom right I have space for my weekly goals and a running to do list for things that aren’t tied to a specific day, and there is more space I could have used for a cute quote or brainstorm if I’d wanted to and had the time. My standard decorating method is to pick five colored pencils and use them to make an ombre and highlight my goals. Here I also highlighted classes in dark green, work in blue, and events in a brighter green, just to add more color and separate my day.

Finally, make it work for you. Do you need more space? Try giving each day half a page or a full page, or getting a bigger notebook for next time. Do you think you’re bad at drawing? Try printing out images and gluing them in, only drawing simple things like stripes or stars, or just skipping drawing and letting your journal be simple. Do you feel confined trying to fit everything in boxes? Skip the boxes and have a series of lists, or even just one big running list. Do you love gorgeous complicated spreads? Find time for making them between semesters, on weekends, or in small increments throughout the week when you need a break. Try things out, and as you find things you don’t like, change them. It might take a lot of trial and error, but you’ll find a spread that is uniquely yours.

Happy journalling! I love to hear more advice and ideas in the comments 🙂

To see my 2019 bullet journal setup, click here.

Posted in Life

New Year’s Resolutions: My System that Actually Works

Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

Be willing to be a beginner, every single morning.

Miester Eckhart

Do you know someone who actually keeps their New Year’s resolutions? These people are few and far between, and they get rarer every year. According to U.S. News, about 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail or are given up on by February of the same year. That statistic isn’t surprising, because most of us know we’re really bad at New Year’s resolutions. We’re used to not achieving our goals, and yet come January first, there we are again with our post it notes and motivational quotes.

This phenomenon is so interesting to me. Every year I see my friends and family set their sights high, and for a week or two they do so well. The gyms are full, kale is sold out at the local grocery, budgets are tightly kept, the sun is shining bright. But inevitably everyone misses a day, or doesn’t reach their first benchmark, and we all slide right back to our old habits. And we know it, and we tell ourselves it’s okay. When the new year comes, we suddenly believe in ourselves again and tell ourselves that now is the time, this time we’re actually gonna do it. But we usually don’t. It’s kind of sweet how we can start over and over again with such innocence, but sad how we so rarely succeed.

I’ve been this person, time and time again, until last year when I finally found a system that works.

First, here are the general principles that led me to this system.  These can apply to any goals you want to set, whether you want to try my system or not.

  • Break big goals into small goals. Part of the reason so many of us give up on our goals is that they are way too big to tackle. It’s okay to set this kind of goal, but it makes it much easier if you break it down into smaller pieces. Set small simple goals like writing before you turn on the TV, writing a chapter every two weeks, or writing for a half an hour each workday. These small goals should be easy, and achieving them will encourage you.
  • Set goals you can measure. We’ve all done them, but vague goals are quite honestly a waste of your time. These goals are bad because it’s hard to determine how successful you’ve been. How much “more healthy” do you want to be? What qualifies as “eating right”? Instead, translate this vague goal into something you can measure: eating a full serving of vegetables every day or avoiding sugary foods before lunchtime. The idea is to write your goal as something that you can definitively say “yes” or “no” to. That way you know exactly how far you’ve come and can’t make excuses.
  • Approach goals as a choice, not as something forced on you. Another reason we often fail is our whole approach to resolutions. Don’t think of it as “I need to lose weight.” Immediately that phrasing gives rise to stress, urgency, negativity, and even loss of self-worth. Think of it instead as “I choose to lose weight.” It’s a small change, but it makes a big difference. You are the acting agent. You are doing this because you want to and choose to, not because anything is making you. It’s empowering.
  • Have regular reminders/accountability systems. When you’re the only one keeping you accountable, it can be hard to stay on track no matter how committed you are. Your accountability system can be as simple as writing your goals down next to your mirror or having a friend work on the same goal with you. You can also set up a small fitting reward for each benchmark you pass, such as letting yourself buy a new running outfit if you go running every day for two weeks. Do anything that works for you to keep you from forgetting, keep you motivated, and keep you from cheating yourself.
  • Set goals over things you can realistically control. Of course, your goals need to be possible. It’s good to push yourself, but a new year has no magical power to make you Superman. Don’t set goals that depend on other people’s choices, or really that depend on anything but you. If you’re not sure how much you can handle, put your big goal on the back burner and try a smaller goal first. If you make it just fine, bump it up, and if you don’t, adjust. The goal is to succeed, no matter how small.
  • Avoid strict timelines on larger goals. This one is arguable, but makes a lot of sense to me. It’s okay to have a ballpark time you want to get it done, but it’s almost impossible to anticipate how your circumstances might change. Instead, set deadlines for your smaller goals and hold yourself to them. It’s much easier to meet a short deadline than a long deadline, and your short deadlines are adjustable if you have a sudden change in your pay, health, or free time. This flexibility allows you to keep your goals realistic, and still know you’re pushing yourself and will reach your goal as soon as you can.

Keeping all of this in mind, I came up with my resolution system last year.

It starts by identifying four main areas of your life that you want to improve or focus on. For example, last year my four areas came from a quote from one of my church leaders: listen, learn, labor, love. This year my four categories are spirituality, education, wellness, and creativity. Of course you can use as few or as many categories as you want, but try to keep it less than six so it’s manageable. It’s okay for these areas to be big and even vague. These ideas are what you want to work on for the whole year.

Then, explain what you want to improve about each of those big areas and brainstorm things you can do to make it happen.  This can be messy and slightly vague if need be. The goal here is to get all your ideas on paper, articulate your desires, decide what is most important to you, and start to think of realistic measurable actions you can take to improve your “categories.”

Each month, set a smaller goal for each of your areas and review the goals you made the previous month.  Make these something you can realistically do in a month (even if you have to break up something larger). This monthly approach lets you adapt your goals to whatever works best in your current environment, break up your big goals into something concrete, and keep yourself accountable by regularly evaluating your progress. A month is about how long most of us make it with your resolutions before we quit, so it’s the perfect space of time to pass between regroups and restarts. For example, one of my big areas this year is education, and my January goal to improve this aspect of life is to finish at least four applications for summer internships. This is something measurable, not too challenging, and appropriate for the time because most internship deadlines are coming up in February.

Each week, set five even smaller goals and hold yourself accountable to at least three of them. I know it sounds odd but hear me out on this one. I got the idea of setting five and holding myself to at least three from my sister who’s done it for years, and I absolutely love it. Having five goals gives me flexibility to include any random goals I feel the need to do that don’t really relate to my resolutions. For the crazy busy weeks, or for weeks when I overestimate myself, I only have to keep three of the goals and feel okay about letting two fall by the wayside. This system allows you to stay accountable and push yourself, but allows you to slip up without failing. Having these goals weekly lets you break up your monthly goals into bite sized pieces, and they’re very adaptable, simple, and hard to forget.

Rinse and repeat. Each month, look back briefly on your progress and then plan our your next steps. Each week, make manageable goals that move you forward and make yourself do at least a simple majority of them. If you have time and want to push yourself, these monthly and weekly goals can be big. If you’re very busy, they can be small as long as they are there and you are accomplishing them.

Remember, the goal is success. It doesn’t matter if it’s a very small success, it is still success, and it’s always better than aiming too high and accomplishing nothing. Start with small steps that you know you can do and do them. As you move forward, you’ll gain more confidence in yourself and your ability to succeed, and you’ll be emboldened to try bigger and better things.

Happy New Year everyone! I’d love to hear your resolutions and how you help yourself succeed.

Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

Winston Churchill
Posted in Life

Anxiety, Suicide, and Where I’ve Been

Hello.

It’s been a while.  If anyone reading this is new here, my name is Cammie, I love the world, and I made this blog as a space to put my musings.  I haven’t posted anything here for over two months. This is that story.

This fall came with a lot of changes, transferring colleges, changing my major, starting a new job, moving to a new state, all those fun things that seem to keep happening at this stage of life.  Overall these changes were very good for me, and I was excited and so ready to take off. I’m not a very patient person. I mapped out my courses, started planning grad school, charted career paths, all of my biggest dreams and goals, and it was deeply inspiring … and yet, somehow deeply discouraging.  There were my aspirations hanging above me, and there I was, trudging through just another basic day. Somehow the dream didn’t translate. I’m sure we’ve all experienced some form of this. You get yourself so pumped up over a new project, listen to all the motivational quotes, feel ready to conquer everything.  But after being continually confronted with the the mundane daily drudge, your motivation goes stale.

To an extent, I think that’s how life just is.  Our big benchmark moments and dreams are rarely felt in the day to day grind.  The day to day is full of frozen leftovers, laundry, spam email, mismatched socks, and plans to be better someday.  This fall I was in my ideal major at a great college, but that wasn’t my everyday reality. Each day was wake up to the alarm, get dressed in the dark throw in a half hour of homework, speed walk through the cold, try to stay awake through lecture, try to tutor frustrated students, throw together some food, collapse on the couch with a laptop and a few textbooks, maybe have some social interaction, retire to bed.  Rinse and repeat. My health has never been great, but it declined even more. Somehow in the wash of all of this, I was forced to confront the mental health issues I’d been stubbornly ignoring for several years. I saw myself going through rapid cycles between panicking that I wasn’t productive enough and feeling so deeply sad and overwhelmed that I was effectively paralyzed. I had my first panic attack, which left me more rattled and unsettled than I’d thought possible, and I felt on the verge of another for weeks after.

A few weeks before finals, a girl on my campus killed herself by jumping off of a fourth floor balcony.  The atmosphere on campus was subdued for the rest of the semester, a weird mix of sadness and vulnerability and stress and slight fear.  My roommate was on suicide watch, and one of my neighbors, and probably several others I didn’t know about. So many nights were spent in tearful conversations, falling against each other on our cheap couch and staring into the void of the future.  The weather went colder, the skies went darker, the Christmas slogans and carols around us felt somehow unreal and removed.

This sounds very melodramatic as I’m writing it out, but that’s how we felt.  I knew that this sort of thing happens to everyone. We all hit slumps and have down days, and they stink.  I’d heard that so many times, almost always followed up by a statement about the need to keep going and how good times will come.  Logically, we all know that dark days don’t last forever, and we know that we’ll be okay. But it doesn’t feel that way in the moment, when you’re stuck in the everyday drag.  The negativity isn’t removed as part of someone’s motivational speech, it’s right here, yelling in your face. When you feel both anxiety and depression, you’re torn between the constant panic that you’re ruining everything and the dragging weight of sadness and self-loathing, which can quickly lead you down a spiral of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Don’t worry about me, I’ve started counseling and the break has been very good for me.  And in a way, this semester has been good for me. The hard times have a way of increasing our humanity and making us softer.

Moving forward I think things will continue improving.  I’m learning better ways to deal with stress, and my schedule next semester will be less busy.  I’m not sure where this blog is going to go, but I do want to get back into it. I anticipate making a few more changes to my setup, and probably getting on a schedule of posting once a week.  Writing used to be a source of peace and renewal for me, and I’m hoping that it can be that way again.

I want to end by saying this.  If anyone reading this has recognized themselves in this story, or is going through a hard time right now, or has thought about suicide, I want you to know that you’ll be okay.  There are so many things that you can’t control, but what you can control is how you react and fight back, even if it feels like fighting against yourself. There is still part of you that’s innocent and happy and whole, even if it feels like a distant memory.  Find things that make you happy, even if they’re little, and find people who care about you. If you can’t think of anyone, please drop a comment and I will talk to you anytime you need it. I really mean that. We all need each other, and we’re all benefited by coming together.

“You’ll have moments when you feel like a lion, and moments when you feel like a mouse.  Just know that no matter how you feel, you still have a heartbeat and a soul worthy of love, so learn to roar even when you feel small, because you are more than the feelings you have.”

–T.B. LaBerge

Posted in Life

Watering the Drought

Playing-in-the-Rain

Last night it rained, and we all completely lost it.

Since I moved to this area there hasn’t been a drop of rain.  The first thing I noticed when I moved here is that there are never any clouds.  Ever.  Occasionally I’ll see a few distant wisps lurking behind the mountains, and recently we’ve had the clogs of smoke blowing over from the wildfires, but never any cloud cover and never any rain.  Every time I check the seven-day forecast, I see a little line of suns.  It’s been a hot and dry summer that led into a hot and dry fall.

Then out of nowhere, the forecast showed lightning and heavy storms.  Rumor flew that we’d be getting the tail end of the hurricane, which had largely blown out but would still mean more rain than we’d had all summer.  But every day those little storm clouds on the forecast would be pushed back.  “It’ll rain on Tuesday!”  “Actually we should get more rain on Wednesday.”  “It’ll be coming down hard on the weekend.”  “It might rain by October …”

Then last night around 9:45, while I was sprawled out on my couch studying, I glanced out the window and saw my neighbor waving his arms and leaping like a maniac.  My roommate and I dashed outside.

Rain.  Lighting illuminated the water-logged courtyard, thunder barely audible over the rain pounding on the rooftops and sidewalks, the sheer volume of water seeming comparable to the monsoons of my childhood.  Heads began popping out of apartment windows, and all at once everyone was outside, abandoning homework without a second thought despite our looming midterms, staring, laughing, crying, filming, shouting their joy.  Without thinking we ran into it, spinning and dancing like fools, getting thoroughly soaked.  We didn’t care–it was raining, and from the new freshmen to the eternal grad students, we were all children again.

I’m not over-dramatizing, that is literally what happened.  We felt so liberated.  I’ve never been more aware that I live in a desert, and I haven’t been happier all month.

I’ve always loved rainstorms, but this one seemed to have unblocked me somehow.  For those moments in the storm, we all shed our professionalism and social pretenses and need to be adult-like.  For those moments in the storm, I was a little girl splashing in puddles again.  All the stress and worry and doubt that I’d let build up inside me cut free, like a long exhale, like the water pouring from the sky.

Posted in Life

Death, Unity, and What Really Matters

My grandpa died yesterday morning.

I tried to think of any other way to segue into this, but there it is.  I had a big fancy post planned for today and planned to finish it up yesterday, but then I got the news and couldn’t really think of much else.

Everyone says they’re sorry, and I understand that there really isn’t much else to say.  I tell them not to be sorry; he is much happier where he is now.  Were we close?  Yes.  Do I miss him?  Yes.  Am I okay?  No, but I will be.

In the immediate aftermath, this is what I have learned.  It’s true, nothing can really prepare you for that kind of news.  At the same time, nothing brings people closer together.  I’m reminded of this quote from one of my favorite shows, spoken by a pastor after the death of a community leader:

And surely if a life as robust as Major Kirkpatrick’s can be ended so abruptly, it reminds us of the unavoidable truth – that all life is tenuous.  So how is it that this, this universal truth leads us to feel so alone?

We can deny the feeling all we want, we may even try to hide away from our feelings.  Like a wounded animal we separate ourselves from the pack, go off, lick our wounds, alone.  Not a bad instinct perhaps, but let me suggest an alternative.

If this life is precious, and if anything good can be found in a tragic circumstance like this, it’s that death exposes the lie.  The lie that we are separate, that we are not one.  Christ prayed that his disciples might find the unity that he had with his father.  That we might be one.  For if we are not one we are not his.  Here we are, a community come together to say goodbye to one of our own.  We are one.

Granite Flats Season 2

This weekend I’m going to have my whole family together for the first time in a long time, including some uncles and cousins I usually only see about once every six years.  While we were making plans and shifting schedules there was such an overtone of love in that group text.  Perhaps death reminds us not to take each other for granted, jolts us out of our numbing daily hustle and opens our eyes to what we really care about.  Suddenly I’m cramming my midterms and trying to accomplish the entire week in the next few days, and some things might slip through the cracks, but my academic stress has taken a backseat.

I don’t have any conclusion for this post.  A lot of things aren’t concluded right now.  I will say this: we all need each other.  Take some time today to reach out to your friends and family, and stop worrying about appearing to be put together.  We all need some clear emotional honesty from time to time.

Posted in Life

The Reality of Self Care

Sleeping-Under-Blanket-with-Air-Conditioning11

Being extremely honest with one’s self is a good exercise.

–Sigmund Freud

“Self care” has become ubiquitous.  If you search the term, you find millions of articles and posts giving you five ways to give yourself what you deserve, seventy inspiring quotes, and why it’s important to take care of yourself first.  If you don’t search the term, you’ll still find dozens of references on your friends’ Instagram or in almost any conversation with people who practice yoga or blog about whole foods.  These people and articles tell us that we have to take time for ourselves and it’s okay to spend time and money on ourselves.  “Love yourself!”  “You deserve it!”

In one sense, this movement is great.  In an age of rushing and cramming and stressing, it’s important not to run ourselves raw or try give more than we have.  If you don’t ever take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.  Never tending to your own needs and wants isn’t a healthy way to live.  In the past, topics like mental health weren’t discussed in a positive light, and it’s wonderful that we’ve moved forward to promoting positive mental health instead of just telling people to “suck it up” or “deal with it.”

All of this is fine and good.  But too often, I see this concept go way too far, to the point that it is frankly appalling.

Chelsea Fagan defined “internet self-care” this way:

The act of doing (or not doing) literally anything, regardless of long-term consequences or impact on others, as long as it makes you feel good in the moment. … justifies essentially any activity, behavior, spending, or opting out as not just productive but morally right, if done under the guise of self-care.

Under this definition, you are the center of the universe, and only your desires and comfort matter to you.  The theory is that you are totally justified in doing what you want– taking a day off of work, not answering the phone, spending money on expensive luxuries, not getting your homework done, eating a quart of ice cream–and anyone who gets mad at your for it is victimizing and unfeeling.  You have to take care of you.

This mindset has taken off, most notably on the internet, and to test the idea I ran a quick experiment with google autofill.  When I typed in “self care is” the top results included, “not selfish,” “so important,” “how to take your power back,”  and “a divine responsibility.”  When I typed in “self love is” the top results included “the best kind of love,” “important,” and “the greatest medicine.”  I tried every variation I could think of to try to find a negative result, but I couldn’t do it.  “Self care is bad” returned the suggestion “self care badges” and “self care after bad day.”  “Self care is wrong” returned no suggestions at all, as if the internet was shocked that I would even suggest this.  I managed to find a few articles that called self care into question, but they were a minority bordering on nonexistence.

kidnotlistening

It’s not hard to understand why “self care” has taken off.  This way of thinking is extremely satisfying in the short term.  No one wants to hear that they need to grow up and do the responsible thing.  When we indulge our impractical desires, “self care” lets us justify ourselves and think we were actually doing something wholesome.  It lets us feel good about doing what already feels good in the moment.  It lets us celebrate our laziness, appetites, whims, pettiness, and general childishness.  It lets us temporarily let go of our responsibilities.

But therein lies the problem.  This only works and only feels good in the short term.  When we open our eyes, it is very obvious that our immediate cravings are not the center of the universe.  We are surrounded with people who all have their own agendas, plans, needs, and immediate cravings, and we have to consider them.  We have our future self to think about too.  This model of self care only emphasizes what feels good right now, and not what is better for us in the long run.  

The aforementioned writer also pointed this out:

“Self-care” doesn’t, and shouldn’t, mean “what feels good in the moment,” because that is literally the emotional compass of a toddler. … Our personal definitions of happiness should have a horizon that extends way, way past “the end of the day,” because being an adult means being able to imagine our future, and being a mature one means taking a little discomfort now in order to shape it.

No matter how unpleasant, “sucking it up” and “dealing with it” are often the right thing to do.  We’re not toddlers; we’re adults.  If we really want to take care of ourselves, we need to think about our long term goals, what we will need in the future, and what others need from us.  We can’t just sing ourselves a lullaby of “you deserve it” and “love yourself,” curl up in a bubble, rock ourselves to sleep, and forget about real life.  Allow me to be frank; that is pure selfishness.  If that’s all we did, we’d never publish a book, never sell a painting, never move forward in any career.

Another angle is to consider what proponents of self care claim its basis is: “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”  From this perspective, one of the main purposes of self care is so that you are able to better care for those around you.  I fully support this purpose, but it regularly slips through the cracks and disappears.  In the words of Nitika Chopra:

[People will] do all this stuff to feel really good, but then they aren’t taking any time to go put that energy out into the world.  What are you doing with all this good energy and good vibes that you are making sure you have all the time?

Too often we spend time solely on our cravings justified by cute quotes–an empty lantern gives no light, you can’t serve from an empty vessel–and then do nothing to fulfill their meaning.  It’s understandable–we’re tired, we’re stressed, we just want to watch Netflix until our eyes glaze over and our problems fade away, and then we can resume life the next day as though nothing changed.  But this notion of instant self-gratification does very little to make our lives better, and does nothing for all those proverbial empty cups.

There’s nothing wrong with indulging, once in a while.  If you’ve had a long hard week, go ahead and take a bubble bath.  If you worked your tail off and earned your degree or got a big promotion, go celebrate.  Have some cake.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with that.  If you’re having a really hard mental health day or you’ve truly run yourself ragged, take a moment to listen to your favorite music, go on a walk, or take a nap.  That’s okay.  But let those moments be the exception, not the rule.

Instead of always doing what is easy and pleasant, challenge yourself.  When you take a moment for yourself, use that positive energy to make the world around you better.  Work a little harder, wake up a little earlier, run a little faster–you have your whole life ahead of you, and it will be what you make it.

After all, the path of least emotional resistance doesn’t really lead us anywhere.

runner-closeup

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

–Abraham Lincoln

 What do you think?

How much “self care” is too much, and how do we balance it with responsibility?